As of the beginning of September for the first time since the arrival of our eldest daughter (M7) 7 years ago I’ve got all of my three children in some type of care some of the time.
Now the thought struck me that this would be a good time to re-start my own education and start working towards a Uni-degree or some other qualification. I’m still trying to work out if this was really my own idea and wish or if it was heavily influenced by the pressure of the society that I live in (former East-Germany): “Do something with your life!”, “You can’t just look after the kids, you need to do something for yourself!”. I have heard that it’s quite different in the western parts of Germany, where it’s not uncommon for mum’s to stay home for many years and look after their children full-time. In the town that we live in mum’s stay home for one year paid-maternity-leave to then return to their previous position. As a generalisation the only people that stay home for longer are the long-term unemployed who end up having a child every three years to keep social-benefit-payments going.
Where do I fit into all of that?
Given that school finishes before lunch here (at least for the little ones) I thought distance Uni would be the only thing feasible. But with little M3 only in kindergarten (pre-school) 3 mornings a week I don’t find that I’ve got quite enough time to really get into uni, move forward there and manage the kids and household alongside that without going nuts. Many people here say, that I could put the kids into pre-school more days (which is what we’re actually already paying for anyway, though we don’t use it ). For German standards they are going way less than most children … but for my standards – largely influenced by Steve Biddulph and my time living in Australia – that is quite enough.
I find it really tricky to work out what I want and set priorities … I think this whole work-life-balance is a lie (ok. I’m only using a term here, that I don’t actually really know anything about). But how are you supposed to manage work and small children, household and not be a totally cranky mate for your husband at the end of the day?
For the time being I had decided to give up uni as I couldn’t see myself getting anywhere with the time I had. Somehow the idea of staying home and not doing anything else even though the children are being looked after some of the time didn’t seem perfectly fulfilling to me either. So I started a new soul search. The big questions that hang over me are: WHAT DO I WANT? WHERE DO I WANT TO GO? WHAT ARE MY GOALS? WHAT DO I ENJOY? WHAT AM I PASSIONATE ABOUT? my problem is no-one can answer those for me …
